The Mind Body Connection

I started this post Thursday evening after a rough day. Anxiety has been rearing its ugly head as it does at times. If you've ever had anxiety or depression you KNOW how it can affect you physically. To top it all off, it stormed right when I got off work so I couldn't go outside and run. Outside has become my escape, my relaxation, my stage, my courtroom. I can enjoy solitude during a run at the trail, sweat out the day's angst, lay it all on the pavement, and prove myself. I came home to a cardio circuit which I was angry about and never let go of the day's stress. I convinced myself it was going to be a bad evening because I had no outside run.
One of the things I've learned is how connected our mind and our body is. Through  my struggle with lupus, arthritis and fibromyalgia, my mind suffered. Pain, fatigue, it all affects your mind. Sleep for so long became my solitude and escape. I didn't realize how dangerous this was for my body which in turn, made it even harder for my mind.
On the other end, the more you think you can't do something, the more your body complies. The worse you convince yourself everything is mentally, the worse it truly becomes. I've read quotes about how the hardest part of running is convincing your mind you can do it. This whole concept is true about ALL of fitness. Today was a treadmill day and I totally didn't want to do it. I almost quit easily and early on. However, I pushed forward, got over 3 miles and finished my circuits and weights. Each day, it's a battle of mind over matter. I can attest its no where near easy and I struggle frequently. However, as one of my favorite Jonwisdomisms says "Are you drowning or are you kneeling?" Stopping to set perspective, fix your mindset and constantly work on strengthening your mind and body is the only way to lead to success!

If you want it, you must will it to be

Jon and I came across Evo planners and are using them as part of our individual morning rituals and our common goal: to make gains. One of the thing I've started doing is looking up quotes about certain things each morning to help fix my mindset. You see, mindset doesn't come easy for me. I don't typically look for the bad in things and others, but I often naturally focus on the bad within myself. As such, it's a constant work in progress. While looking up strength this morning, I found this Gandhi quote "Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from an indomitable will." I wrote it down, thought for a minute, shared it with the family running group, and then didn't think much more about it.

Fast forward to now after a long day and a 60 minute amazing sweaty cardio dance workout to my evening planner ritual. As I go back over my day, I re-read the quotes from this morning and only then does it hit me: this is what I do everyday. Everyday, I'm tired or fatigued or just "done" at some point. We all get that way whether physically, emotionally, or both. Today I wanted to go home and not go to dance. That's not how we do. We dig deep. We find that strength, that indomitable will, and we make it happen.

This is what your whole fitness journey is about. How much easier it would be to lay down, eat whatever you want.. but that's what got me to my crossroads in the first place. Instead, I choose to dig deep, find that indomitable will, show my strength, and make it happen. I wish that for you as well!

About numbers...

This is one of those cathartic posts that hopefully will also help someone else. I've previously mentioned my struggle with anxiety and depression. It's one I've never shied away from because it's part of who I am. I've always been an anxious person and when I was diagnosed with Lupus at 14 I lost almost all control over my day to day life. I was at the mercy of my body. When you lose control in big ways, you look for ways to take it back. Sometimes they're healthy, sometimes they're not, and sometimes it's somewhere in between. I tend to fall in that in between category. I've struggled with a relationship with food and healthy sleep habits. I've struggled with being a shopaholic- after all, what gives you more power than filling your wardrobe up to look good?! And despite my best efforts, I've continued to struggle with Obsessive Preoccupation with Numbers throughout this fitness journey. This is something I've been processing and working with awhile and Jon has helped me process as well. The ultimate goal is to be healthy and strong, mentally and physically. Unfortunately, worrying too much about fitness numbers: calories eaten, calories burned, what the scale says, weights you're lifting, your PACE... well, it leads to an unhealthy preoccupation.

You see, just Monday I ran a PR of 10:06 on a mile. I sounded like a wheezing dirvish (harry potter pun ftw!) when I was done, but I was super proud. However, do you know how many times I checked my watch to monitor my pace? TOO. MANY. Do you know how dead I was after 3 miles? TOO. DEAD. While I am still proud of that pace, and that PR, I'm not proud that I became obsessed with hitting it and I didn't hit it with the healthiest mindset. Several times this summer, I over trained because I worried too much about the calories I was burning. I didn't attend to my calorie deficit or any of the other important healthy considerations. I was obsessed with burning the most calories possible.

After feeling like death warmed over on this run, I processed it, discussed it, and made a goal. My personal goal is to look at distance not speed. Look at strength, not the scale. Look at how I feel and how my body feels, not the calories burned. Today, I took that mindset to the pavement, literally. I ran 4 miles. I ran those miles with a 12 min/mi average (ish). I didn't completely die. The heat was brutal. But my lungs felt good and I had a great workout I'm proud of.

So where is this whole hot mess of a brain dump going? The point is: pay attention to your body, your strength, your gains, and your mind set. Make healthy choices and don't get caught up in the number game. This is a work in progress for me and one I'm intentionally setting my mind to (it's even in my Evo planner! but more on that later..). Focus on what you're doing and how amazing it is. Your body is a machine- listen to it and follow it more than any number of any kind!